Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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