Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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