You made me cry and you don't even care
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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