shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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