It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
