you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I AM VODKA MAN
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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