I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Loading more great texts...