We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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