I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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