vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
