She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
