I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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