a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the day after is always just damage control
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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