the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I did not marry a roomba.
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