I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
