5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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