I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
