my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
