Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
