I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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