Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
