She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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