my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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