You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
