24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
