so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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