Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
