I didn't shave. On purpose
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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