i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
