my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
