I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
