maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
