I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
