Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
