Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
