There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can you bring me the toilet please
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
