He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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