dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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