why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
