Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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