A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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