u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
