I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
