You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize