Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
