Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
