Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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