I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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