How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize