Ambien. No doubt about it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
