I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
