He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
why is half of my head shaved?
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