i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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