I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
