The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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