i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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