Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
