I smell stomach acid.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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