mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize