I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
