Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
