Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
