I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
