I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
