Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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