I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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