Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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