i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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