pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
