please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
