from now on my penis is your penis
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
