I'm so fucking centered right now
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
