Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
