I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
