awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
