I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
