everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
