In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
