Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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