I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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