just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
