Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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