hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
