Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
